Endometriosis sucks.

That's it.  It just does.  There's no other way to put it, it just flat out SUCKS.

Imagine being in pain... ALL THE TIME.

After FIVE surgeries in as many years, intended to reduce the pain.

Pain so great that sometimes, all you can do is curl up into a ball and cry.

Pain so great that sometimes, you *choose* to spend a beautiful evening in the Emergency waiting room rather than outside, because you just can't stand it anymore.

Imagine living all, or almost all of your days, in that pain.

Going to work in that pain... trying to be productive... trying to forget how much it hurts.

Spending time with friends in that pain... unable to fully enjoy yourself because it hurts every.single.minute.

Attending special occasions in that pain... trying to smile and chat when all you can think about is curling up with a heating pad.

Harder still, attending things like baby showers, births, children's parties, mother's day lunches... in that pain.

That pain that constantly reminds you that you may never have the privilege of giving birth.

Praying you can still be glad for others who don't have to struggle in the same way you do.

Praying that the pain doesn't make you bitter.

Imagine thinking you were doing so well, having a good day... and then breaking down crying at the smallest thing, realizing you were really just holding it in all that time.

Imagine heading into another surgery... and looking forward to it, because it just might make the pain better.

Imagine being dependent on doctors and medications - often ones stigmatized by one group or another (birth control, pain medications, anti-depressants)... just to live a semi-normal life.

Imagine not knowing if you'll *ever* feel better...

Or knowing that you may have to have a premature hysterectomy just to gain some relief.

And that in doing so, you open yourself up to a whole host of other possible issues.

Imagine realizing you're lucky in so many ways... this disease is not usually fatal...

But the pain makes it so easy to forget... or not to care.

Imagine that this whole time, it seems like no one understands.

They label you:  Whiner.  Addict.  Downer.  Liar.  And so many more.

Sometimes, they even abandon you.  Your struggles are too much for them.

This is not a disease for which people can easily have sympathy.  There simply isn't enough understanding yet.

Google doesn't even recognize it as a word.

Imagine knowing that THIS... is your life.

There is no escaping it.

That's where I am, right now.  And I'm trying hard to push on, to be okay...

But sometimes, I just need people to understand... that they don't understand.

And that that's okay.

But be patient with me.

I'm fighting a battle you do not know.