Something I just don't understand.

I'm going to be completely honest here, and say that for once, the subject of international adoption has me baffled.  For once, my faith is shaken and I am confused and hurt and sad and afraid.  Most of my experience in the international adoption community has been the complete opposite of this - it has given me renewed faith where mine was weak, purpose where I felt none, comfort when I felt despair.  I have seen God move in ways I had never been witness to before.

But today is different.  Today I despair.  Today I ask "Why?"  Today, I pray that my fears are not the truth.

Nearly a year ago, when the conditions in one Eastern European orphanage were discovered by an adoptive mother visiting her future daughter, when it came out that the children there were being purposely starved, confined to cribs 24 hours a day, lying in their own filth, never receiving even a modicum of human contact... when it was discovered that teenagers the size of babies lay all but forgotten on the top floor of this institution... that the institution averaged one death a month, not to unavoidable illness or accident, but to wholly preventable causes like starvation, abuse, illness brought on by lack of care, or having simply given up...

There was an outcry.  An outcry from God's people that, NO, we CANNOT let this happen, that we MUST come to the aid of these children, that these tragedies MUST come to an end.  Within months, every other child listed from that institution on Reece's Rainbow had a committed family.  Little Katie Musser came home, where she thrived.  The child who so many would have deemed unlovely, undesirable, "not what we're looking for"... blossomed into a child beloved across the globe.  Her nearly tragic story touched lives and changed hearts... including my own.

I couldn't tell you how many people, after all the children from that institution had committed families, inquired about how to adopt a child from that specific institution.  People wanted to bring these children home.  They saw the immense need, the growing tragedy, and were moved to action.  For a while, all we could say was, there are no more children available right now from that particular place, we'll let you know when there are.  For a while, we prayed fervently on behalf of those left behind that God would intercede and allow them to be listed for adoption.

Then our prayers were answered.  First, two more children were listed.  Two precious little girls.  I saw them the day they were listed, and I watched, and I waited, for them to be snapped up by all these families who had for months been clamoring to adopt a child from their institution.

And the girls waited.

And they waited.

And they waited.

Finally, one of them was chosen.  I knew she would be chosen first.  Her file photo was so simply endearing.  Her friend though... continued to wait.  Waited, until her time was slipping away... because in her country, an agency only has a child's file for two months before the file goes back to the government, possibly taking with it that child's only chance at life outside the institution.  That day was two weeks away for this little girl, and we all began to scream for her.  Why, when all these people had been asking "how can we help, how can we adopt", did this little girl still wait?  Certainly by no fault of her own.

Finally a day came when I saw her little face on Reece's Rainbow's 'My Family Found Me' page.  Does everyone remember Sarah, who I cried out for in this post?  Yes.  Sarah has a family coming for her.  Hallelujah!

More children from the institution were listed.  Some of them had committed families within days.  Some of them waited weeks.  One, though... one who was posted shortly after those first two girls... she waited... and waited... and waited... and waited...

Children who were listed after her were chosen... she waited...

Bloggers and advocates pleaded for her... she waited...

And still, Gabby waits, at That Horrible Place, that institution Katie came from that no child should ever have to call home.

Oh, sweet Gabby!  Surely they could've taken this photo at a more flattering angle... I can barely even see you... but look at those precious cheeks, those long eyelashes, that cute little button nose!  Look at that face, asking, "Won't somebody please be my Mama?"

This is what confuses me.

When so many people were so eager to adopt from Gabby's institution, when so many were just waiting for more children to be listed... WHY does Gabby still wait??

Is it her diagnoses?  Her age?  Her photo?

Here's what Reece's Rainbow says about Gabby.

Gabby #11-22

DOB: 2009

Diagnosis: microcephaly, cardiomyopathy, Spastic quadriparesis (cerebral palsy)

Gabby is currently tube fed at the orphanage which could be a result of the CP.   She was prescribed medication for her heart, though the brief records we have on her indicate that her heart has not been checked since 2010.  The report indicates that her joints are contradicted and she lays in the bed all day.   Additional family history is available from the agency partner.

 What could there be, in this brief amount of information that is available about Gabby, to explain why her family has not yet come forward?

Her age?  DOB 2009.  So she's two or three years old.  No, she's still young, she hasn't entered that 'older child, difficult to place' stage of adoption as so many have... as Katie had.  Just a toddler.  Plenty of room for early intervention.

Her diagnoses?  Well, to the untrained reader, they may sound scary.  However, a little research from a committed person decodes this information fairly well.  Microcephaly - Gabby has a small head, or small brain.  Okay, so she may look physically different (we're not sure how much so since we can't see her head in relation to her body), and she may have cognitive limitations.  Katie had Down Syndrome.  Reece's Rainbow is a special needs adoption ministry.  Cognitive limitations are not unexpected.

Cardiomyopathy... now that sounds scary.  A basic understanding of medical terminology tells us that means something's wrong with her heart.  But what?  A quick internet search tells me that this essentially means that Gabby's heart is weaker than it should be, which can cause it to pump less effectively than it should.  Well, that certainly sounds scary.  But Gabby's description also indicates that her heart has not been checked since 2010.  Two years of no treatment, no monitoring of this condition (and keep in mind that orphanage records can be incomplete or entirely inaccurate), and Gabby is still with us.  Far be it from me to say this is an overall good sign - I'm not a doctor or nurse - but the fact that she's made it this far without intervention seems to me like a positive sign for how she would do with the comprehensive medical care available in the United States.  More information may be available to a seriously interested family.  I'm certain there are a number of families out there whose children suffer from the same condition who could serve as a resource and a support to any family considering adopting Gabby.  This diagnosis, while initially scary, can certainly be better understood and dealt with.

Next up... "spastic quadriparesis"... otherwise known as cerebral palsy.  Well, we've had so many children from Reece's Rainbow with CP adopted.  CP can be as mild as a foot that doesn't function quite as well as the other one.  There are so many RR parents out there who can help others understand CP better... and it's a physical disability - worst case, she may need a wheelchair!  So what?

Gabby's diagnoses may be intimidating at first.  Maybe that's what's holding families back.  Maybe they're looking for a child with a simple diagnosis.  But what they may not realize is that these complicated terms, these long diagnoses, are truly a blessing in disguise.  Some children are labeled with nothing more than 'down syndrome', or 'moderate delays'.  Adoptive parents are surprised when they go to meet their child and their needs are far beyond what they were expecting.  Gabby has been given a detailed description of specific disabilities.  With international adoption, you never quite know what you're going to get... a child whose diagnoses seem scary, but who comes home nearly 'normal'... or a child who is supposedly very mildly delayed who comes home where doctors discover a whole host of other issues.  No child can guarantee us an 'easy ride' - and if that's what we're looking for, perhaps we need to re-examine why we're interested in international adoption.  And for the committed family - there is help to both understand those diagnoses and deal with them... more help than you could imagine.  Truly, if you are a family who has considered Gabby and this is what is holding you back, let that be an obstacle no more.  Talk to other parents.  Talk to your pediatrician.  Talk to a physician at CHOP who specializes in internationally adopted children.  Develop a plan.  Give Gabby a chance.  Without you, she most certainly won't have one at all.

The last possible explanation is the one I dread the most, the one I pray is not the truth.  Could it be, that the hastily taken photo of Gabby, the one that shows only a little girl suffering, a shell of what she could be, is holding people back?  Could it be that she hasn't been chosen yet because she is not as 'cute' as the other children?  My heart aches for the thought that this could be it - because who among us is as beautiful on the outside as we are on the inside?  Who among us could be as beautiful as we have the potential to be, were we unloved and made unlovely, as are the children of her institution?

Recently Katie's Mama, Susanna, posted a photo on her blog that was taken of Katie on a particularly horrible day, her passport photo.  A very sick little girl.  A sad little girl.  Certainly not what our society would consider "a cute little baby/child".  And yet, she came home, and she blossomed!  You can view that post here.  If we can all see the light that shines through Katie, that shone through her all along, through the filth and the unlovliness of orphanage life... surely we can see it in Gabby too?

No.  I pray that is not the reason Gabby hasn't been chosen yet.

But then why?  Why, when people were lining up to find out how to adopt a child from this institution, has no one come forward for this one?  Gabby has only TWO WEEKS left to find a family.  Two weeks, and her file goes back to the government.  Two weeks, and we will have proven right all those people we sought to prove wrong, those people who are convinced that these children should remain in these institutions until they die (sooner, rather than later), because they are not of value.  Let her file go back, and we only confirm that belief for them.  Friends, just like with Sarah, we cannot let that happen.

Please.  Share Gabby.  Consider her.  Link to this blog.  Tell Gabby's short, sad story.  Be a part of saving her life.  Be a part of sending a message to her country and her institution that these children DO have value, and we DO want them.  I cannot call any orphanage a 'good' orphanage... but Gabby's is one of the worst.  No child deserves the fate that awaits her if she is not adopted.  We have to get her out of there.  Don't let any of these barriers hold you back from advocating for her, or, if you are meant to be her family, from adopting her.  Don't let Gabby face the fate that awaits her without us.

"Mama?  Are you coming for me?"