What Does An Adoptive Family Look Like?

I found this question bouncing around my brain after reading several blogs, all of which seemed to  be large families who had crossed the ocean over and over to bring home more precious children.  But I knew also that there were others, and I started to wonder, if everyone out there discounts adopting because they're afraid they don't fit the profile of what an adoptive family should "look like".

Well - guess what?  There are adoptive families, indeed, families who have or are completing international adoptions, of all ages, sizes, colors, shapes, parts of the world, walks of life... you name it, I'll find you a family who did it.

Recently, I asked on an international adoption group for photos of families who would be willing to be featured in this post.  Responses came in, a few blog links, a few "it's just me right now so I don't know if you're interested", a few "we're not typical..." and I smiled.  That was exactly what I was looking for, after all.

So, what does an adoptive family look like?

This is what an adoptive family looks like.  This mama was among the first to volunteer her family when I asked for help.  They are currently living in South Africa.

Not quite what you pictured?  How's this?

This is what an adoptive family looks like.  This single mama is in the process of her first international, special needs adoption... much like I will be, one day in the not too distant future.  Yup.  It only takes one person with a strong will to make a difference to make an adoptive family.  Soon, there will be a little girl in that picture with her.


Surprised yet?

Here's the sort of image I had in my head.  A large family with kids of all ages.  People look at these families' photos and say, "Wow, I could never do that", or "We're too old, our kids are grown", or any number of other things - but if you ask the mom or dad of a big family if they ever looked at someone else's photo and thought the same, many of them will say yes - but then they heard God's call in their life, much louder than anything society puts into our heads.

I'll bet you there was a day in many of these parents' lives when they didn't think they looked like an adoptive family.  Yet here they all are.

Here's another single mom adopting for the first time.  Every family starts somewhere!  I can tell from reading the blogs of people who wait to bring home their first child that the love they have to give is very real, very strong.  These are the very people who responded to my query with things like "I don't know if you mean me..." and "I don't have a family picture yet...".

Everybody has a family picture.

Another adoptive family - just normal people like you and I.  People think it takes a special kind of family to adopt, and it does, but not in the way so many people think.  We think we have to be experts in special needs, we think our families have to take a certain shape or follow a certain formula.  We think, adoption is great, it would be a nice thing to do, but that's for someone else.  Why?  All it really takes is a loving heart and a will to make a difference and learn along the way.  Adoptive families are just normal families like yours and mine.  We all start somewhere.



There's one more adoptive family I would like to share with you...

This mama hasn't even officially committed to a child yet.  In fact, she can't, not for two more years.  She's only 23 - USCIS approval requires at least one parent to be 25 or older.  She is not married or even in a relationship.  She's unemployed for now and living with her mom.  There are a million reasons for this woman to say no to adoption.  A million mountains that need to be moved before it is even an achievable goal.

But she doesn't care.

Know how I know?

Yeah, I know, you've all figured it out by now even if we've never met...

That's me.  I'm what an adoptive family looks like.  I'm what the future mother of a child with special needs looks like.

And I still get offered kids' menus at restaurants.  ;)

I guess my point here is, don't pigeonhole yourself or your family.  Don't decide that you "don't fit the mold" and turn away from that tug on your heart to do more.  There are absolutely valid reasons for families to not adopt... but if this image is what's holding you back, tear away the constructs of what you think an internationally adopting family looks like, and you'll be surprised to find that many of you no longer have a reason to say no.  And there are more than enough precious faces just waiting to be scooped up.  Life is short.  Take a leap of faith!