Just The Way You Are

A few things have had me thinking lately...

World Down Syndrome Day, for one.

Kids, for another... and the silly, funny little things they say... and the big, beautiful things they say.

Life... because it just keeps surprising me.


This is one of those times when the thoughts bouncing around in my head are not quite put together, so I'm just going to write and let it flow.

The other night, I was sad.  I was feeling let down by the people in my life, let down by myself, and like an overall failure at everything I had set out to do.  I was a bad friend, a bad grown-up to the children in my life, a bad daughter, a black sheep, I felt like I'd failed my childhood self in striving to be  "good."  I cried.  I was lonely and hurt and I blamed myself.  The fact was, I was simply, as we all are, imperfect - and that's okay, because our imperfections are part of who we are... but I didn't see it that way at the moment.

Then, because life doesn't just stop whenever you want it to, I went about my day and went to pick up my dear sweet M (almost 13 years old).  As she got in the car I warned her, "I'm in a terrible mood today, I just feel rotten about everything, so I'm sorry."  I didn't want her to think I was upset with her or anything.  I felt like I was warning her to keep her distance, lest my 'bad' self do something to upset her.

And M looked at me and said "Why, what happened?".  Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but with an almost-teenager around, it's pretty amazing to be asked a question about my life.  And she didn't ask because it was obligatory.  She asked because she wanted to know.  She wanted to help.

So as we drove to the store, I told her all the stupid little things that had happened to me all day and how they had all piled up to make me feel like I wasn't worth beans.  I believe in being honest with M.  I want her to come to me when she struggles - but if I want her to put any stock by my advice, she has to understand that I too, have struggled.  So no, I don't hide every down day from her.

And - let's get this straight, again.  M is not quite 13.  I was a mess at 13.  If I wasn't perfect at that age, how could I possibly expect her to be?  If I'm not perfect now, at not-quite 23 - how could I expect M to be perfect?  We've had our fair share of struggles lately.  There have been days when I wasn't proud of what she'd done.  There were days when I beat myself up, asking, did I do something wrong?  There were days, recent days, when I had no idea what to do next.  When I'd been reminded that even though she's growing up, she's still a little girl who will make mistakes.  I expect that, and I love it even, because her imperfections make her who she is.

But this day?  This day was not M's day to show off her imperfections.  As I whined and moaned about the sad state of my life in that particular moment that we walked into the craft store, then fell silent, M piped up.

"Well, you matter to me."


"We can do something for your birthday for like 20 dollars, because that's all I have..."

--Be still my beating heart--


Did she just turn my entire day around in less than a minute?  All not-quite 13 imperfect years of her?  By gosh, she did! 

And it's a good thing that store wasn't crowded, or she'd have been mortified, but I couldn't help but pull her into a hug and let her know she made my day.  Where ten minutes ago I'd been near tears, I smiled, and I said, "You matter to me too.  I love you.  Save your twenty dollars, but yes, we'll do something fun for our birthdays."

Now, M might not eat her peas with a smile on her face.  She might get frustrated when the little kids refuse to leave her at peace.  She might not know how to handle peer pressure at school.  She might stay up too late at night, or use language I'm less than thrilled with with her friends.  But she's still learning - and she sure does have a whole lot of great to make up for those imperfections.

I think sometimes we have to remind ourselves to look not for imperfections, but for moments of perfection.  Surely no one is perfect all the time.  If you happen to be that person, please drop me a comment and let me know how I can be as perfect as you.  But now imagine if the world only saw us for our imperfections?  Imagine if I only saw the trying times I had with M.  I might've missed that golden moment of realizing just what a wonderful person she's becoming.

We live in a society obsessed with imperfection.  People look upon strange and different as though they are automatically bad or wrong.  When the whole of something is good, but a tiny part is rotten, we throw the baby out with the bath water.  It's easy to get so caught up in those imperfections that you miss the good things.  But what a shame that is.

That day last week, I got so caught up in my own imperfections, that I missed the good in myself.  It took a sweet little girl, imperfect herself, to point it out to me.

The following day was World Down Syndrome Day.  3-21, for the three 21st chromosomes unique to people with Down Syndrome.  To much of the world, that extra chromosome is an imperfection, a flaw.  90% of women in the United States who are told before their child is born that s/he will have that extra chromosome choose abortion.  In countries where these prenatal screenings are not common or accessible, when it is discovered at birth that a child has this "imperfection", they are often given up by their parents to grow up in an institution.  Every day, scientists experiment with genetics to determine how to 'eradicate' Down Syndrome.

Why?

Why in the world would we want to eradicate Down Syndrome?  Why would we want to live on a planet without the unique perspectives of beautiful people who just happen to have one extra chromosome?  Though seen by many as an imperfection which spoils the whole, that chromosome makes someone who they are.  Almond shaped eyes.  Infectious giggles.  Simple pleasures.  Smiles a mile wide.  Acceptance and love for the world and its people.

I think the world has gotten caught up in the stigma of imperfection.  Surely if it's different, it must be bad.  Perhaps they need a little girl to point out for them what they're missing.  Perhaps she's a little girl with Down Syndrome.

Look at the things in your life that could be termed "imperfection".  A little girl who doesn't eat all her peas.  A little boy who mimics a bad word he heard in school.  An heirloom china vase with a tiny crack from when your sister dropped it... if only she could still be with you.  The mess in your entry way - crayon scribbles, muddy footprints, a grape juice stain that just wouldn't come up.

Isn't there beauty in those imperfections?  Doesn't that little girl just light up your life at the end of a hard day? Doesn't that little boy just crack you up with his crooked grin?  Don't you cherish those memories of your sister?  Won't you be sad when the days of crayon scribbles, muddy footprints and grape juice stains are behind you?

Perhaps the greatest example of all, is yourself.  Again, I ask, if she who is perfect is with us, that she come forward so that we all  might learn how to be perfect like her.  Or maybe I'd rather she didn't... maybe I'm not so fond of perfect after all.  No.  None of us are perfect.  We are by definition as human beings, flawed.  We Christians are sinners.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone (John 8:7).  But does God see only our sins?

No.  Of course not.  He sees them, sure, but if he only saw our sins, we'd have already been condemned to the fires of Hell.  He sees what we so often overlook - the beauty that lies in our imperfections.  He sees our sins, and He loves us anyways.  He sees the worst of our deeds, and He sends His only Son to die so that we may live.  And aren't we blessed because of it!

Take the time, the effort, to see not the imperfect, but simply the beautiful, in your life.  See the world as God sees you.  My favorite pastor always used to say after every sermon, "Remember - God loves you, just the way you are".

Imperfections and all.