Pretty Picture

Dear Princess,

I haven't written to you in a long time, besides last night.  I'm sorry.  Sometimes it's just too hard, and I know I have to stay strong so I can be here for you when you come home.  But lately, for some reason, I've just been up late every night thinking of you, and wanting to tell you so many things.

Today I spent all day across the street at Shannon's house with her, Mike, the kids, and our friend Hayley and her family.  We had a brief conversation that made me think of you and choked me up, and when I came home, I was still thinking of you, and thinking of how even in the short couple of months you knew them, Shannon, Mike and the kids became your family just like they are mine.

When crisis struck for you and me, I relied on Shannon a lot.  She came over as soon as I got home on that last day... she sat with me in the front yard while I cried and talked to a police officer and talked to your grandma.  Friday night after her kids were in bed, she brought me over pizza and pop and an offer to talk, cry, or whatever I needed.  We talked a lot that night, and she made me feel better.  She understood the situation we were in better than anyone, and she told me she knew that you knew that I wanted you, that I was fighting for you... and that you wouldn't forget it.  I needed to hear that so badly.  She spent the next couple days with me... because I just desperately needed to not be alone.

The next time I saw your friends J and N, they were eating lunch at the kitchen table, and J asked to say a prayer.  She said "Bless Mommy and Daddy and Mike and Katie and N and M and grandmas and grandpas and uncles and aunts and everyone we love, and especially pray for A, so she can be safe and come home to Katie's house and play with us some more.... and that's all."  When Shannon looked over I had tears in my eyes.  Your friends loved you so much, that even though they were just kids themselves, they remembered to pray for you.

It was only a couple months ago that I was standing in their kitchen and noticed something.  Your picture, your 2nd grade school picture, was hanging on their refridgerator.  I'd given it to them a while back, so the girls would have it to remember their friend.  I commented "Aww.  It's my baby!" and Shannon told me the picture had been hanging there since I'd given it to her, so that they'd think of you every day.

I was so touched.  Sweetie, as much rotten luck as we've had, we've had good luck too.  We've had amazing people put in our lives.  Shannon and Mike and J and N love you and think about you and pray for you to this very day.  They support me and listen to me when I need a shoulder to cry on because I just miss you so much.  They know the situation we're in better than anybody else, they know how hard it is, and they care.  And just because you're not here right now doesn't mean they've stopped caring.  Not one bit.  They haven't forgotten you any more than I have... and trust me, forgetting you is something I will NEVER do.

So even when you feel alone... like I do sometimes when I miss you so much that I think nobody could possibly understand... I want you to know that you're not alone.  You have people, just like I do, who are thinking of you and praying for you, even if you don't know it... and they'll be right here with me to hug you and welcome you whenever you come home!

Don't forget... I love you like the moon at night... big, and round, and warm, and bright.
I love you, goodnight.
<3 - "Kai"