The Story of Us Part 4

For my own reference, the events I'm referring to in this post occurred in the year 2007.  I also want it to be clear, especially from here on out, that I am not writing this to assign blame or to 'trash talk' anyone.  I am writing our story, and other people happen to be in it.  I'll do my best to be fair to everyone, but sometimes I felt wrong was done to us and I'm not going to gloss this over - I'm going to be honest, from my perspective.  It is not the only perspective, but this is my blog, so this is mine.

The year started out as 2006 ended - me, M, and A, just spending time together, having fun.  That school year, 2006-2007, really was the best of my life, because of those blessings that the Lord had chosen to put in my path.

In the Spring, M turned 8, A turned 4, and I turned 18.  Still no potty training yet.  In fact, I have a hilarious picture from that spring of me holding A, having just picked her up and realized she'd had an accident in her underwear.  We worked on potty training by sitting on the potty and reading, A had a sticker chart, and when I could, I kept her in underwear so that she'd be aware of accidents, but it didn't really click.

We spent a wonderful weekend at my grandparents' lake house and I got some fabulous pictures.

First boat ride!

Passed out on the way home - and yes, this is before I was a CPST.

I graduated high school, but I held off on getting a 'real job' (one that paid, as I was rarely paid for watching A anymore) to spend the summer with my girls.  And we had a wonderful summer together, but that summer was also the year that things started to get difficult.  A's mom moved in with her new boyfriend and was often at odds with her grandparents, with A and I caught in the middle.  I didn't know what to do but try to protect the little girl I'd come to love as if she were my own family.

I remember a real turning point for us in August of 2007.  On Tuesday, I took A to the fair for the first time.  We stopped at Kmart to buy her new sandals and underwear, because once again, I'd gotten her barefoot and in a diaper.  It was stressful at first, getting there, spending all the money... but I remember sitting at a picnic table with A, eating ice cream cones, taking a picture of her covered in ice cream and sending it to my mom and thinking, yes, I'm glad we came, even if just for this moment.

On Friday, we went to the fair with A's mom and her boyfriend for the first time.  They asked me to come along to take A to play while they spent time together.  I remember finding this strange - they'd never taken her to the fair before, didn't they want to see her ride the carousel, eat ice cream with her?  But they didn't... so I did.  Before we got there, we had to run errands with them.  I saw where A was living, sleeping on a couch, and I felt sad.  It was hot and there was no air or water in the car.  I remember being stressed, but just trying to protect A - open the doors when the heat was too stifling and we were waiting in the parking lot someplace... trying to get her a sip to drink.  We finally got to the fair, and A and I had fun together, we did the things we hadn't had time for on Tuesday... but then I got a call to meet her mom and her boyfriend (we're going to call him D) at the ferris wheel.  When we got there, it was obvious something was wrong.  They were fighting.  Yelling at each other.  I tried to distract A... talked about Dora and Boots, her favorite topic.  In the midst of the fight, they stormed away from the stroller and left A and I standing there, not knowing what to do.  D threatened to leave without us.  I said I could have my mom pick us up.  She said no, he wouldn't leave... and he didn't, but he made us wish he had.

They continued to fight in the car.  They screamed at each other, hit each other.  A's mom cried.  Sitting in the back, in a backless booster seat, A looked to me and asked, "Mommy cwy?"

"No, no, sweetie.  It's okay.  Tell me who Dora's best friend is."

As D got angry, he drove recklessly and sped in and out of traffic.  I was scared for my life and for A's.  We got back to the apartment complex and they stormed out of the car without a word to us.  I called my mom the second I had the chance.  I asked her to get A's car seat and gave her the address where we were.  At that point, all I could think of was getting A and I out of there, although I wasn't sure how I was going to do it.  They came back out to the car.  They said no, they would take me home.  I told my mom to wait.  They continued in the car, and by the time we reached my house, A's mom was sobbing.  I asked them to please let A spend the night with me, that she didn't need to deal with a child on top of what they were going through.  I could take care of her for the night.  She shrugged her shoulders to say she didn't care, and I didn't wait around.  I took A and ran into the house, where she looked at me again and said "Mommy cwy?"

"Mommy's okay, sweetheart.  Would you like to play in the swimming pool?  I'll get us a popsicle, okay?"  I wanted her to forget.  I was deeply affected by what I witnessed that day, which I later recognized as an episode of domestic violence.  I didn't want her to feel the same way.  We were so hot and so thirsty, so we climbed into the swimming pool in our clothes, sat and ate popsicles... then I spent the rest of the night spoiling her.  They picked her up the next day and apologized to me, and I remember thinking that I wasn't the one who was owed an apology.  My own life was crazy - I lost my grandfather that month - but I never stopped worrying about A through any of it.

From then on, I told myself I'd do anything it took to keep her out of situations like that, and if that meant watching her for free or being jerked around and treated like a doormat, I'd do it for her.  Because I had a choice, a choice to walk away when things got hard.  She didn't.  And I wasn't leaving without her.

But I started college, I started working part time at a daycare center, and A started Head Start on my recommendation.  She got the last spot available.  She was almost told she couldn't come back because she continued to have potty accidents - but later I found out that they had deemed her completely potty trained after D had taken to spanking her any time she had an accident :(  I was glad she got to stay in head start, but my heart broke for how she was "potty trained".  A continued to have bladder control issues into elementary school and I believe they stemmed from the harsh practices used on her.

We spent Halloween together again.  I think this was the start of the princess obsession - A was Snow White.  And a terribly cute one at that.  She spent that night at my house, and then I dropped her off with a babysitter before going to class the next day.

When she needed me, I put my life on hold for A.  I left work to pick her up from Head Start sometimes.  In November, I had surgery to correct my endometriosis.  The day after my surgery, I got a phone call in the afternoon - it was the preschool.  It was 4 pm and no one had picked A up yet.  As it turned out, her grandparents and her mom and D had their signals crossed as to who would pick her up, but they called me because no one else was picking up and I was her emergency contact.

I couldn't drive, I had to wait for my mom to come and get me.  I was in a panic.  I was afraid she was upset and scared, so while I waited, I gathered up a snack and grabbed A's car seat.  As soon as we pulled into her school's parking lot I took off for the door, my mom yelling behind me not to tear out my stitches.  I didn't care.  At 4:30 they would call the police.  I couldn't let that happen, A would be so scared.  I had to get to her.  And I did, and she was sitting in the lobby looking at books with a staff member.  They asked me if I was supposed to pick her up.  I told them no, I didn't know who was, but I'd take her.  We took her home with us until her grandma got off work.  I was stressed for her though, hoping it didn't happen again.  But college let out between Thanksgiving and New Year's, so I had more time to spend with her and just assuaged my concerns by spoiling her some more.  The year ended with me uneasy and A's life up in the air... and unfortunately it wasn't something that was going to end soon... so we just tried to make the most of the moments in between.

Future veterinarian

"Hi, my name is A, and I cut my own bangs."

From here on out, it gets even harder to write, so please forgive me if it takes me some time to put part 5 together.